There's a pattern in the system.

How long will it be until I have had enough?
Only time will tell
in a month?
Maybe two?
Maybe 47.5 days exactly?
There's nothing sadder than a conundrum like this.
I could tell you
and you would hate me
and even the best
doctors
have no
answers.
How do you tell
a pathological liar
that you think
they are
a pathological liar?
How do you tell
a rainbow
to stop being
a rainbow?
This isn't very funny, I know.
But I have to find humor in this.
I NEED to find humor in this.


You can't unbreak what you have broken.
Trust me...
I can't trust you.

I am super nervous about my second EP. It's going to have four old songs that have been previously recorded (horribly recorded), but with drums and bass/keys as well. I have two new songs, but I don't know how I feel about them because they deviate SOOOO much from Elle and the Fonts. They are like ROOOOOOOCK and I am like NOOOOOOO. I don't know what to do. So I am going to take a cue from Maria Taylor and use a drum machine on them, and slow it down a bit. Maybe quiet the vocals down a bit. I don't know. Bleh.


OK, so maybe that was the only thing...

"X marks the spot and it's not what they expected."

Sometimes I feel really lonely. But something always comes around to make it seem less lonely. I am really hoping that I am never left feeling that way for too long. I have been lucky up until now.

My friend Greg is moving to Chicago. I got to hang out with him tonight. I'm really glad I did. He always makes me feel better.

*really long pause spent zoning out*

Sometimes, things don't seem so bad... I want to hold on to this feeling forever.

I'm going to be having a little pity party.
I'm going to listen to some Page France.
I'm going to pick up my guitar.
I'm going to wait for Jesus to show up.
I'm going to dance with Jesus.
Dance dance dance dance.

I don't fucking care to elaborate.

This Christmas will be just like the last. I will give everyone the best gifts I can give them, we will be silly and sing carols in really annoying voices, and eat too much food and drink too much alcohol.

The day after Christmas will be just like the last. I will go home wishing that day never ended, and sit in a pity pool, realizing that once that is over the only thing I have left is myself and a lot of new stuff. What would I really like? I know it sounds cheesy, but I just want things to be simple. I just want things to work out. I want to be able to take someone home to meet the family and fall asleep with whoever it is afterwords.

My winter blues are back.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck this shit.

If you meet someone on Match.com, you can see when they check their profile and how often they do so. I met someone. We have been dating for two months. Things were great. I haven't been on the website in over three weeks. I haven't heard from him in about five days, so I checked out the site. Sure enough, he had been on there a few times this week, but couldn't seem to answer my emails (I only sent two, before you think I am crazy). Maybe I am overreacting. But if you knew me well, you would know that I have been patient as hell with this, I have been so happy, things have felt so right.

So here I am, pissed off again that I even BOTHERED trying. But hey, at least I did try right? And hey, maybe he isn't the one for me. And hey, don't worry, girl, things will work out.

And out and out and out and out again.

At least I have something to write new songs about...

(Please, I am not in the mood for any comments about how it's my fault because I'm cynical. Just let me wallow in my self-pity for a while.)

I would like to be able to say I have never stooped very low to hurt people that have hurt me, but in the past, I have let my emotions get the best of me. This time I won't. I'm trying to be the bigger person here, and it's kiiiiilling me.

I'm excited to have an apartment, but I'm upset about leaving this place. Never before have I felt so comfortable so quickly with strangers. The allergy shots are making my allergies worse, and I haven't been helping much (I am going to miss the cats so much, and I still play with them even though I know it's hurting me!). This has been a strange journey. I lost a friend in the process but gained two really great friends. I don't mean to be getting mushy... It's not like I won't ever see them again, but it's still hard.

But the friend I lost... Doesn't seem to care. And that is sad. You know, after you go through so much shit with a person, you would think they might understand you, and respect you enough to stop doing something that is obviously deteriorating your friendship. Whatever. I hate being so indifferent about it, but I was pushed to this point.

Sometimes you just have to cut off an arm to save yourself from losing more.

I feel like I've lost enough already.

I was at my wits end with Match.com. Yes, I joined Match.com, shut the fuck up, if you only knew the losers I have met in the last four years, you still wouldn't understand because it turns out, Match.com is comprised mostly of those same losers. WOOHOO! I mean, in hindsight, I really should have realized, if I am this desperate, the guys on this site must be pretty desperate. But I'm only desperate because I can't find a guy that I like who doesn't think I'm too good for him (it's weird) and I HIGHLY doubt that is the case for the dudes I encounter on match.com.

OK, get this, every single guy I have talked to brings up how they looooove the Smashing Pumpkins and Billy Corgan. Of all fucking bands, why would they say that one fucking band?!?! THAT IS MY LEAST FAVORITE BAND OF ALL TIME. I know, some of you like them, I just don't. That's it. Period. But when I say, oh they are really not my cup of tea, these guys go off on me like Billy Corgan gave birth to them and breastfeed them and changed their diapers and... you get what i mean.

There is one guy who seems pretty cool.
But time will tell.
I could go back to the normal way of dating. But I'm sick of musicians. Well, most of them. They are either too wild and crazy or they are complete stalkers or wimps. I don't get it. Maybe I am more picky than I thought.

But really, my only turnoff right now are guys who think Billy Corgan is God.
That's all. Is that too much!??!
I don't know.
My ass does though.
*that was for you, Patrice*

The state declared backruptcy?

Hey! Guess what guys!!!

Taxes are still getting raised!!!

The Secretary of State is getting shut down, as well as other state-funded organizations!!!

Who else is as excited as me?!?!!?

/sarcasm

I was just listening to Berlin. What? Got a problem with that. Yeah you. I don't know why I have this thing anymore. Anything witty or interesting I have to say comes up short when I type it in these little text boxes. Not like I can really write anything lately, anyway, but whatevs! I don't care! I am bored, and I am sitting in my living room in Ferndale, on our wireless connection(way to go, Sarah!), watching my roommate play some old video game. But I am content.

And that is all that really matters.

I spent the weekend with my family. It was nice. It felt like I was at a fancy bed and breakfast. I ate a lot of really good food. Played a lot of Wii.

MY BIKE IS BACK IN MY POSSESSION!!!

so you'll all see me riding it around Ferndale soon. It's blue. Like my guitar.

the Pierces are my new favorite band. Check out their CD, Thirteen Tales of Love and Revenge.

Aaaaannnndddd... That's it.

I recorded five songs in forty minutes.

You should know,
I have
the sweetest
roommates
ever.

Bronchitis on your first day of work.
Working thirteen hours at two jobs.
Coming home and eating pizza.
Cutting your roommate's hair to look like Adam Brody's.
Drinking a nice (cheap) homemade (cheap) delicious Chai Tea (soy) Latte.
Going to bed at midnight when you have to be up in six hours.
Life, man.

Today was a day for reminiscing. I was helping my little sister move out of her dorm room, after her first year as an undergrad and I started thinking about the past five years. ( Today is my very last day of school )

Ahhh that was pointless, I really should have been studying. Oh well.

I did a lot today.

I peed in a cup.

I ripped some cds.

I carried some boxes up and down some stairs.

Yeah, I am a highly productive person.

Wine and cheese party next Friday? I think so. Want to be invited? Drop me a line.

Yes.

I need a job.

2007!!! Stop putting out so many good albums!!!

Add to list:
Lily Allen

Wish me luck, guys. I put in my application at a really sweet company. SO NERVOUS! I just want them to at least interview me. That's all I ask for. If I get that chance and blow it, then it just wasn't meant to be.

My mood is on the up-and-up. I wasn't as hung up as I thought I would be. Good. Because that would have been really dumb.

I left early because I didn't want to cause a scene.

My apologies to anyone who thought differently and were perhaps upset.

Not that it really matters, but small people care about small things.

I have butterflies in my stomach and they are sick with butterflies in their stomachs, who have butterflies in their stomachs.

Oh my god, spring is in the air!

I wore yellow today. Tomorrow, I'm allowed to wear jeans at work if I wear a green top.

You didn't need to know that, though. That was pointless to write. But everything I do have to say, I don't want to write here.